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Limericks - Liphook's poet unlaureate (8th Jun 2007 - 01:37:13) The 'Share a Joke' thread has been cheering everyone up so, with the same objective, here's a challenge to all : Write a limerick with a (very loose) local connection! Here are three to get you going .......not very good, so I am certain many of you can do better! There was a young girl from Griggs Green Who on royalty was terribly keen. She fell at Will's feet, Which he thought was quite sweet, And now she is going to be Queen! There is a Sainsburys store in our town That used to make folk stamp and frown. But food in Big S Cost them quite a bit less, So the complaints were soon toned down. There was a house-wares shop in Liphook Which all the local customers forsook. The owner wrote of her plight On this website, And now everyone goes with their chequebook. Now your turn.........!

Re: Limericks - Bored individual (8th Jun 2007 - 08:57:51) There is in Liphook a very good pub That sells the most excellent grub Their name is the Links One of the best me thinks But don't ever expect a sub!

Re: Limericks - gen (8th Jun 2007 - 08:58:28) Our Sue is the talk of the post To sell quality goods is her boast She'll fight for her rights And she barks, rarely bites, But for Newtown she cares more than most.

Re: Limericks - Sue W (8th Jun 2007 - 09:22:32) There once was a real gobby cow Who used her best know how Been told to 'shut up' By some - no more than pups But can see an end to it now!!

Re: Limericks - gen (8th Jun 2007 - 10:13:37) There are some here with plenty to say, Although, at the end of the day, They’re all froth and bubble. And often cause trouble - Maybe actions, not words, is the way.

Re: Limericks - liz (8th Jun 2007 - 15:36:16) I know I'm not terribly clever Though I've thought long and hard I could never Work out a way ... to do more than 'say' And to 'act 'on a website, however

Re: Limericks - gen (8th Jun 2007 - 19:36:15) Liz - that was an awfully good rhyme And your offering came just in time Keep on this way, You'll make everyone's day - To stop now would be a real crime!

Re: Limericks - Sue W (8th Jun 2007 - 19:59:48) On a subject that 'no-one' was interested Had so many comments listed Those that agreed And some with degrees Thought that she was bitter and twisted!

Re: Limericks - John W (8th Jun 2007 - 21:49:29) Please motorists do you not know That the way you intend to go Should be shown by a flash 'Cos then we won't crash and next time that you're out Please don't be a lout And signal on MY roundabout !

Re: Limericks - gen (9th Jun 2007 - 09:36:02) For John W. I agree, on the whole, with your plea Politeness on roads is the key And motorists need To cut down their speed And remember it’s not just ‘ME, ME!’

Re: Limericks (One for Helen and the Colonel) - Liza (9th Jun 2007 - 16:57:55) There was a young lady from Bramshott, Who cared for her Sweet Peas a lot, When it pea'd down with rain Thought "I must be insane! But I LOVE THEM, so don't give a jot!" So whatever the weather dished out, She was out there with never a doubt, To her eyeball in s..., Did she care? Not a bit "'Cos they're going to be good for your Gout!" (With thanks to Helen and the Colonel for his splendid SP soup recipe)

Re: Limericks - gen (12th Jun 2007 - 09:03:02) On the jokes thread you must keep them clean Or Big Brother won’t let them be seen If he thinks they’ll offend He’ll cut off your end On that, chaps, you might not be keen!

Re: Limericks - Mike Grimes (12th Jun 2007 - 14:45:42) The Editor has gone round the bend Publishing jokes that just have no end Well, Ed, have you got a goldfish or not? Then, perhaps, we'll know which way you tend.

Re: Limericks - ellen (12th Jun 2007 - 20:15:35) Great stuff keep em coming!!

Re: Limericks - Barry Hope (12th Jun 2007 - 21:27:42) It’s nice to see such fun Is being had by everyone With y‘all being so clever And the use of a feather We can keep laughing till we’re done

Re: Limericks - gen (12th Jun 2007 - 22:38:23) Ellen - had to put the latest on the Jokes blog, for obvious reasons!

Re: Limericks - Eneida (12th Jun 2007 - 23:04:28) Poor old Dick's been told off for being rude! I'm really surprised...in the past he's never been even the slightest bit crude! And now...this must be a first...I'm truly amazed Not only do we have a joke with no end, a suggestion from Mike that the Ed's round the bend, But the whole of Dick's post has been completely erased :O Eneida

Re: Limericks - Louise (13th Jun 2007 - 14:43:23) My boyfriend's from Gunn's Farm And has amazing good looks and charm He's so incredibly hot That more often than not, He sets off my home smoke alarm! My Grandfather lives in The Mead And dresses in Pringle and Tweed But it should not be forgot, That respectable he's not, As his garden is full of weed! My Aunt lives on Headley Road But with looks is not well bestowed Her body looks wrong As she's shaped like King Kong And her face resembles a toad! My Uncle's on the Berg Estate A place people really love to hate Along every street The lawns are so neat And life is very sedate. My Grandma's in Chiltley Lane But from drink finds it hard to abstain Each evening she succumbs To 5 beers and 3 rums And finishes off with champagne My home is a Station Road flat Where I eat cold chips and get fat I don't care a jot Cos human I'm not, I'm just a dirty great rat.

Re: Limericks - gen (13th Jun 2007 - 20:57:40) Louise’s huge list of her kin Have habits that make us all grin. Is it true? I enquire, For they really seem dire, These rats in the flats near my bin!

Re: Limericks - Louise (14th Jun 2007 - 00:23:48) To Gen, Yes my kin are exceedingly dire And ok, I'll admit I'm a liar, But we rats will still thrive When no humans survive Which is a fact that you have to admire!

Re: Limericks - gen (14th Jun 2007 - 07:58:29) Louise, you’ve a nice sense of timing, And an elegant feel for good rhyming So, look out, Pam Ayres, For that rat, on the stairs, She’s bent on some real social climbing!

Re: Limericks - Louise (14th Jun 2007 - 12:26:28) Gen its YOU who deserves all the praise As your rhymes they truly amaze! But this is the end I fear As the pest control man is here And I'll be gone in a couple of days.

Re: Limericks - gen (16th Jun 2007 - 00:16:09) For Louise - the rat in the flats... Has the pest control man done his kill Does the smell of death cast its own chill? Do you feel slightly sad Or are you quite glad That your ratmates aren't flatmates still?

Re: Limericks - gen (17th Jun 2007 - 17:58:44) Do see Paul's brilliant limerick on the ODES thread!

Re: Limericks - Barry Hope (17th Jun 2007 - 21:33:08) Said Hamlet to Ophelia, I'll draw a sketch of thee, What kind of pencil shall I use? 2B or not 2B?

Re: Limericks - Liza of the Lambs (17th Jun 2007 - 22:22:25) Hmm? 4B or a nice soft one? "That is the question" - Nice one Barry.

Re: Limericks - gen (17th Jun 2007 - 23:01:03) Was that REALLY what he meant, Liza?

Re: Limericks - Barry Hope (17th Jun 2007 - 23:39:47) I had a pencil at school That I generally used as a tool To work out the answer Asked by the maths master Everyone thought I was cool

Re: Limericks - PRC Helen (18th Jun 2007 - 10:09:00) I have recently realised I've found Love of planting sweet peas in the ground If you ask me "how much?" I will hand you a clutch And say "they're the best things around" Their colours are simply the best And their scent it surpasses the rest Watch their petals unfurl While their tendrils curl And you too will soon be obsessed A bargain at 2 pounds a bunch So when it comes down to the crunch Come to P R C If you love the sweet pea (That is if we're not out to lunch!)

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