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TRIUMPHAL COMMUNIQUÉ OF THE PEOPLE’S ROAD SURFACE VICTORY - Was Undecided Now Decided (6th Aug 2025 - 10:29:49) 🚧 TRIUMPHAL COMMUNIQUÉ OF THE PEOPLE’S ROAD SURFACE VICTORY 🚧 Issued by the Glorious Department of Asphaltal Rejoicement & Gratitudinal Enforcement Citizens of Liphook! Tireless patriots of perpendicular parking and indicator discipline! Gather ye in awestruck celebration, for the unfathomable has come to pass! After a mere eleven lunar cycles of hope, despair, letters to the council, and mild swearing, the State has at last heard your anguished cries and answered with GLORIOUS BITUMINOUS JUDGEMENT. Yes! That treacherous chasm of motoring calamity—that crater of chaos outside the sacred stronghold of Kelway Law Estate Agents—has been FILLED! Its asphaltal hunger sated by the silent heroism of night-operatives who, armed with shovels, thermoplastic paint, and righteous forms in triplicate, vanquished the void in the holy darkness of 2:37 a.m. In honour of this SINGULAR TRIUMPH OF FUNCTIONAL GOVERNANCE, the Supreme Directorate hereby commands the following celebratory measures: 🎉 A Public Gratitude Spectacle™, featuring: - Women adorned in vivid state-sanctioned dresses, in hues of Orange Cone, Municipal Yellow, and Spirit of Bitumen. - Men freshly shorn in accordance with the Patriotic Haircut Codex, Version 4.1. - Children clapping in synchronised rhythm while reciting The Pothole Pledge. 🎶 Communal renditions of our most treasured national songs, including: "Pave Us Anew, O Sovereign Council" "The Filling Came at Midnight" "My Axle No Longer Screams (The Patch Anthem)" 📜 All citizens shall observe Strict Cognitive Containment, whereby they MUST NOT imagine that this isolated repair indicates future pothole remediation. Hope is unauthorised. Expectation is subversive. Enthusiasm beyond the designated corner shall be considered Infrastructure Fantasism, punishable by assigned viewing of council budget spreadsheets. Let this act stand not as the beginning of a movement, but as a monument to the singular, glorious exception. And let all who travel near Kelway Law do so with reverence, smiles, and suspension systems intact. By Command of the Ministry for Pavement Gratitude and Tire Preservation. All Hail the Eternal Asphalt! Questioning this decree is a pothole of the mind.

Re: TRIUMPHAL COMMUNIQUÉ OF THE PEOPLE’S ROAD SURFACE VICTORY - D (6th Aug 2025 - 11:37:36) You have a definite talent there, Sir.

Re: TRIUMPHAL COMMUNIQUÉ OF THE PEOPLE’S ROAD SURFACE VICTORY - Charlie (6th Aug 2025 - 16:32:27) Or a lot of time on your hands!!!

Re: TRIUMPHAL COMMUNIQUÉ OF THE PEOPLE’S ROAD SURFACE VICTORY - D (6th Aug 2025 - 18:00:09) Oh, Charlie, you're so negative. This post and the reply to Basil really gave me a good laugh.

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