Post Reply
Talkback Home

TRIUMPHAL COMMUNIQUÉ OF THE PEOPLE’S ROAD SURFACE VICTORY - Was Undecided Now Decided (6th Aug 2025 �10:29:49) 🚧 TRIUMPHAL COMMUNIQUÉ OF THE PEOPLE’S ROAD SURFACE VICTORY 🚧 Issued by the Glorious Department of Asphaltal Rejoicement & Gratitudinal Enforcement Citizens of Liphook! Tireless patriots of perpendicular parking and indicator discipline! Gather ye in awestruck celebration, for the unfathomable has come to pass! After a mere eleven lunar cycles of hope, despair, letters to the council, and mild swearing, the State has at last heard your anguished cries and answered with GLORIOUS BITUMINOUS JUDGEMENT. Yes! That treacherous chasm of motoring calamity—that crater of chaos outside the sacred stronghold of Kelway Law Estate Agents—has been FILLED! Its asphaltal hunger sated by the silent heroism of night-operatives who, armed with shovels, thermoplastic paint, and righteous forms in triplicate, vanquished the void in the holy darkness of 2:37 a.m. In honour of this SINGULAR TRIUMPH OF FUNCTIONAL GOVERNANCE, the Supreme Directorate hereby commands the following celebratory measures: 🎉 A Public Gratitude Spectacle™, featuring: - Women adorned in vivid state-sanctioned dresses, in hues of Orange Cone, Municipal Yellow, and Spirit of Bitumen. - Men freshly shorn in accordance with the Patriotic Haircut Codex, Version 4.1. - Children clapping in synchronised rhythm while reciting The Pothole Pledge. 🎶 Communal renditions of our most treasured national songs, including: "Pave Us Anew, O Sovereign Council" "The Filling Came at Midnight" "My Axle No Longer Screams (The Patch Anthem)" 📜 All citizens shall observe Strict Cognitive Containment, whereby they MUST NOT imagine that this isolated repair indicates future pothole remediation. Hope is unauthorised. Expectation is subversive. Enthusiasm beyond the designated corner shall be considered Infrastructure Fantasism, punishable by assigned viewing of council budget spreadsheets. Let this act stand not as the beginning of a movement, but as a monument to the singular, glorious exception. And let all who travel near Kelway Law do so with reverence, smiles, and suspension systems intact. By Command of the Ministry for Pavement Gratitude and Tire Preservation. All Hail the Eternal Asphalt! Questioning this decree is a pothole of the mind.

Re: TRIUMPHAL COMMUNIQUÉ OF THE PEOPLE’S ROAD SURFACE VICTORY - D (6th Aug 2025 �11:37:36) You have a definite talent there, Sir.

Re: TRIUMPHAL COMMUNIQUÉ OF THE PEOPLE’S ROAD SURFACE VICTORY - Charlie (6th Aug 2025 �16:32:27) Or a lot of time on your hands!!!

Re: TRIUMPHAL COMMUNIQUÉ OF THE PEOPLE’S ROAD SURFACE VICTORY - D (6th Aug 2025 �18:00:09) Oh, Charlie, you're so negative. This post and the reply to Basil really gave me a good laugh.

Re: TRIUMPHAL COMMUNIQUÉ OF THE PEOPLE’S ROAD SURFACE VICTORY - Charlie (7th Aug 2025 �10:19:05) D we all have different senses of humour. Live and let live. Just because one doesn't find something amusing and in this instance in my opinion a complete waste of brain energy, doesn't mean they are negative. Just different things appeal to different people.

Re: TRIUMPHAL COMMUNIQUÉ OF THE PEOPLE’S ROAD SURFACE VICTORY - D (7th Aug 2025 �12:21:47) Please don't, Charles. If Hier Starmer reads this there will be state control as to what we may or may not laugh at.

Re: TRIUMPHAL COMMUNIQUÉ OF THE PEOPLE’S ROAD SURFACE VICTORY - Grape (7th Aug 2025 �20:05:03) - D (7th Aug 2025 - 12:21:47) That time is well and truly in the past. Free humour is dead. Ask any comedian experience, any team/office worker, even bar staff are told to report "bad" humour to authorities! - Was Undecided Now Decided (6th Aug 2025 - 10:29:49) Great writing, Sir TwoTier, please continue posting for us.

Re: TRIUMPHAL COMMUNIQUÉ OF THE PEOPLE’S ROAD SURFACE VICTORY - Was Undecided Now Decided (8th Aug 2025 �10:12:46) OFFICIAL REPRIMAND OF CITIZEN CHARLIE’S HUMOURAL DEFICIENCY Citizen Charlie! By decree of the Bureau of Irrepressible Merriment, your proclamation of “different senses of humour” has been examined, weighed, and found to contain a tragic shortfall of mirth. To dismiss the People’s Road Surface Victory as “a waste of brain energy” is to confess, openly and without shame, to the gravest civic affliction: a laughless soul. Know this—humour is not a garnish to the State’s banquet; it is the main course, the roast boar of unity upon which the Republic feasts! In the name of the Eternal Algorithm and under the watchful gaze of the Committee for Comedic Orthodoxy, you are hereby commanded to submit your chuckle glands for recalibration at once. We will oil the gears of your mirth, pump the bellows of your amusement, and—if necessary—install an entirely new sense of humour forged from state-approved absurdity. Until then, your disagreement shall be treasured as proof that even the humourless serve a purpose: to remind the rest of us how glorious it is to laugh. ⚜ For the Eternal Algorithm! ⚜

Re: TRIUMPHAL COMMUNIQUÉ OF THE PEOPLE’S ROAD SURFACE VICTORY - D (8th Aug 2025 �11:35:30) Hear hear.

Re: TRIUMPHAL COMMUNIQUÉ OF THE PEOPLE’S ROAD SURFACE VICTORY - MikeT (9th Aug 2025 �21:40:24) In celebration of this event I can confess that I am now freshly shorn , although I have been unable to research, and thus establish, compliance with the most recent Patriotic Haircut Codex Version. I avow, however, that I have followed closely the Ancient Law of Kelway in pursuing my chosen course of action. I acknowledge that any departure from the celebratory requirements on my part may render me liable to suspension until such time as I can either absorb no more shock, have no more step in my spring or become wheely tyred and deflated. May the Worshipful Company of Fillers of Pot be suitably rewarded for such speedy action, and yet so early within this current century

Re: TRIUMPHAL COMMUNIQUÉ OF THE PEOPLE’S ROAD SURFACE VICTORY - D (10th Aug 2025 �14:05:15) "Fillers of pot"? Wrong thread mate, that's one of his other ones.

Post Reply
Talkback Home